Great news for the sitting president! The unemployment rate is about to go down again. My husband, who’s been out of work for quite some time, is about to exhaust his unemployment benefits. (Oh, by the way, I’m not a huge fan of government handouts, but in this case I’m considering those unemployment checks pre-payment for the Social Security benefits I will never see.)
This is great news for the prez, and all those politicians out there who are desperate to show evidence of a recovering job market. So when you hear that the unemployment rate has dropped another tenth of a per cent, by all means, give credit where credit is due. Thank every discouraged unemployed and/or underemployed worker near you who has so generously agreed to take one for team America.
COSTELLO: I want to talk about the unemployment rate in America.
ABBOTT: Good Subject. Terrible Times. It’s 9%.
COSTELLO: That many people are out of work?
ABBOTT: No, that’s 16%.
COSTELLO: You just said 9%.
ABBOTT: 9% Unemployed.
COSTELLO: Right 9% out of work.
ABBOTT: No, that’s 16%.
COSTELLO: Okay, so it’s 16% unemployed.
ABBOTT: No, that’s 9%…
COSTELLO: WAIT A MINUTE. Is it 9% or 16%?
ABBOTT: 9% are unemployed. 16% are out of work.
COSTELLO: IF you are out of work you are unemployed.
ABBOTT: No, you can’t count the ”Out of Work” as the unemployed. You have to look for work to be unemployed.
COSTELLO: BUT THEY ARE OUT OF WORK!!!
ABBOTT: No, you miss my point.
COSTELLO: What point?
ABBOTT: Someone who doesn’t look for work, can’t be counted with those who look for work. It wouldn’t be fair.
COSTELLO: To who?
ABBOTT: The unemployed.
COSTELLO: But they are ALL out of work.
ABBOTT: No, the unemployed are actively looking for work… Those who are out of work stopped looking. They gave up. And, if you give up, you are no longer in the ranks of the unemployed.
COSTELLO: So if you’re off the unemployment rolls, that would count as less unemployment?
ABBOTT: Unemployment would go down. Absolutely!
COSTELLO: The unemployment just goes down because you don’t look for work?
ABBOTT: Absolutely it goes down. That’s how you get to 9%. Otherwise, it would be 16%. You don’t want to read about 16% unemployment do ya?
COSTELLO: That would be frightening.
ABBOTT: Absolutely.
COSTELLO: Wait, I got a question for you. That means they’re two ways to bring down the unemployment number?
ABBOTT: Two ways is correct.
COSTELLO: Unemployment can go down if someone gets a job?
ABBOTT: Correct.
COSTELLO: And unemployment can also go down if you stop looking for a job?
ABBOTT: Bingo.
COSTELLO: So there are two ways to bring unemployment down, and the easier of the two is to just stop looking for work.
ABBOTT: Now you’re thinking like an economist.
COSTELLO: I don’t even know what the hell I just said!
p.s., If you’d like a more accurate depiction of the unemployment rate, go here (look at the U-6 number). Good news: we live in a free country where such labor statistics are available to the public. Bad news: we live in a country where, seemingly, the majority is either unable or unwilling to face the true numbers, but would rather sit comfortably on their bidet’s while politicians spew double-speak and half truths (otherwise known as lies).
p.s.s If I sound bitter, it’s because I am.
p.s.s.s This is not intended to endorse any party or candidate.
p.s.s.s.s. Click here if you don’t know what a bidet is.
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